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Living an Extraordinary Life

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Want an intriguing program to listen to this weekend?

I do what I do is because I’m deeply committed to helping people live their full potential, especially when they have world-changing dreams. My background in business, entrepreneurship, and cognitive psychology gives me a unique set of skills for helping people whose personal and organizational lives are deeply entertwined.

One of my favorite clients started our work together saying, “my life is quite good. I have a well-paying job that I enjoy, colleauges who support me, and a great circle of friends.”

“Then why are you here?” I asked him. 

He responded, “Because, I don’t want a good life. I want an extraordinary life.”

I was floored. That led to shiftng my emphasis from clients’ businesses to addressing their businesses and their lives.

Many years later, in 2012, I gave a TEDx presentation called Living an Extraordinary Life, documenting a 3-year experiment in living outside my bounds. Technical glitches made the video unusable, but I presented an expanded version of the same presentation with slides for the Harvard Business School Association webinar series a few months ago.

Living an Extraordinary Life

I’ve made the audio, the slides, and a synchronized version of the two available and want to offer it to my community. I’d love your thoughts and reactions.

Note that the MP3 file is tagged as an audiobook and can thus be listened to at 1.5x or 2x on an iPhone/iPod.

Do The Experiment With Me

I’ll be starting my Experiment again, and am offering it as a year-long coaching program to build a supportive community for others who want to join me. If you would like an invitation to the program, here’s how it works:

  1. Listen to the program and make sure it resonates with you.
  2. Contact me via the form on the web page to arrange a discussion.
  3. We’ll meet to explore your needs, what you have to offer, and find out whether you’re right for the program.
  4. If so, I’ll send along an invitation once the program and details have been finalized.

Enjoy!

Can you align business with ethics?

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Is business anti-ethical by nature? I’m reading an article today about how it’s in no one’s business interest to help protect consumers whose cell phones get stolen. Cell phone companies make more money when a customer’s phone is stolen, since the customer has to buy a new one. Furthermore, this logic applies to all cell phone companies, so even though it’s technically possible to permanently identify and deactivate a stolen cell phone, no player in the industry has the incentive to implement the technology.

Given that the technology certainly exists to disable a stolen phone, and customers spend hundreds of dollars on a phone, is it ethical for the cell phone providers not to help stop this, when (a) they could, and (b) they are the only people in the system who can?

This is a case where business interests and consumer interests clearly diverge. It’s a rather extreme version of Frito-Lay designing Doritos to give a rapidly-vanishing burst of flavor that psychologically hooks eaters into eating another chip. They know it’s unhealthy for people to stuff themselves on refined carbs, but they create a product designed to encourage exactly that. The cell phone companies, by not implementing theft protection, are encouraging cell phones to become the high-cost, high-tech equivalent of Doritos.

(How’s that for a tortured metaphor?)

I’m of mixed minds on this one. On one hand, I don’t know that it’s fair to force the phone companies to implement theft-protection on their phones, even thought it would stop an entire category of crime. But at the same time, no one else can do it, and I don’t know that I like the precedent of saying that business interests trump the societal interests of eliminating an entire category of theft and black market trading. (At the end of the day, I believe that we allow business to operate to benefit society, not the other way around.)

What do you think? Should phone companies add anti-theft technologies to their phones? Why? Is it morally/ethically appropriate on the part of the government/consumers to require companies to act? Is it morally/ethically appropriate on the part of the companies not to act?

Discuss.

Don’t be a victim in or out of the workplace.

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I have said many times in my podcast and out of it that if you can take some measure of internal ownership for bad things that happen in your life—even ownership of very small parts of the situation—it can lead to a feeling of deep control and responsibility in your life. It sounds counter-intuitive, but if you can say, “I chose to live in that flood zone, and I can choose to rebuild there or somewhere else,” you’ll actually feel less of a victim of your flooded home.

Try it!

  1. Think of a situation where you felt victimized: Today, the checkout clerk was moving in slow motion, ruining my life.

  2. Find (a) one thing you did that you could have not done, (b) one thing you didn’t do that you could have, (c) one interpretation you had that might have been wrong>

  3. Now describe the situation to yourself in terms of those answers: Today, the checkout clerk was moving slowly, which I (c) interpreted as incompetence (rather than, say, physical disability or a slow computer). I could have (a) decided not to buy the product just then, or (b) left the store without buying anything, or offered to help with the register.

Whether or not your behavior changes in the future, re-telling your narrative in terms of your contribution to the situation will often leave you feeling much more centered and in control.

How do you balance compassion and business?

Where is the balance between compassion and business?

I recently hired a freelancer to do a project on a fixed-price contract. The payment schedule was fixed to certain milestones, but our contract specifically said the contract was fixed-price and not time-and-materials.

It turns out he underbid the contract. He is now taking a loss on the project (or at least claims he is) and wants to pay more. I have made every payment on schedule, and even accelerated a payment when he had a cash flow problem.

The compassionate Stever wants to pay him enough so he makes a decent profit on the job, since he is doing a good job.

Yet, business Stever objects. We had an agreement that was based on my believing the project would cost a certain amount. It doesn’t seem fair that I step up to cover his inability to price well.

He is doing good work. The contract is not yet done (and I don’t want him to stop in the middle), and I’ve paid him about 90% of the originally agreed-upon amount in accordance with the milestones.

I would love to hear from freelancers and hirers alike … How do you handle a situation like this? I feel conflicted between heart and head.

Do you just think you have integrity?

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Do you have integrity? Or do you just think you have it? I have been pondering what integrity is, the last few days.

I have a friend, “Ashley,” who has done some stuff that many people would consider to be well into the gray area of ethical behavior. He admits he did it and explains why.

I have another friend, “Chris,” who has done stuff that hurts many more people than Ashley. What Chris does is legal, however hurtful it may be, and Chris can bend your ear for hours about how what he does really is for the good of everyone, and anyway, “everyone does it.”

Both Chris and Ashley are charming, fun people to hang out with.

I find, much to my surprise, that I’m far more inclined to want to spend time with Ashley. I know where I stand with Ashley. I know where the gray areas are, and where I’m likely to get burned. With Chris, the most well-meaning intentions may someday end up burning me, and it will be “nothing personal, just business.”

To me, integrity has more to do with acting congruently with how you represent yourself than it does with acting in a moral/ethical/”good” way.

Agree? Disagree? Why? By my definition, do you have integrity?

Is texting in meetings rude?

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Do you think it’s rude to text/email during a meeting?

Some say it’s multitasking. An article I read celebrated “the skill of following along in person while simultaneously [doing other stuff]” Alas, that skill simply doesn’t exist. Our brains are not wired to multitask, and splitting attention vastly decreases the quality of thought we bring to the individual activities.

Furthermore, even though you may not consider it rude, it can have very real negative effects for you. Behavioral economist Dan Ariely discusses this in his book The Upside of Irrationality. When someone took a quick cell phone call in the midst of an interaction, the person they were interacting with was quick to retaliate by not returning a cash overpayment. (He then showed that an explicit apology offset that effect. So perhaps texting then apologizing is fine behavior.)

If the text or email is relevant to the task at hand, perhaps we can adopt the same policy we did in elementary school: let the team leader see the notes being passed back and forth. Next time someone texts in a meeting, they have to show everyone the text sent and the response. Then the group can decide whether it’s worthwhile

Sources:

Engaged employees perform best.

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Gallup Organization has been looking at employee engagement for many years. They’ve famously found that only a small percentage of our workforce is actively engaged at their jobs. Often, company discussions about people policies center around employee well-being as an underlying principle driving HR policies. Wellbeing refers to perqs like vacation time, flextime, and so on.

I just read this Gallup research summary that asks: Should a company put effort into employee wellbeing policies, or into employment engagement policies? It turns out to be easy to answer: the greatest driver of wellbeing is employee engagement, not perqs. The research shows that engaged employees perform far better than non-engaged employees, even if those non-engaged employees are given a lot of workplace perqs (e.g. more vacation time, etc.).

Also interesting, though not mentioned in the conclusion, is that flextime is also tremendously important. Having engaged employees and giving them flextime gives the greatest boost to wellbeing.

I know when I’m engaged, my whole life seems better. Next time you’re wondering how to improve workplace morale, instead ask how you can help improve engagement. That answer might change your entire culture.

Internet: mass manipulation tool?

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I’m downloading Trust Me, I’m Lying by Ryan Holiday, about media manipulation on the internet, at the recommendation of a professional journalist friend.

As I read a few of Ryan’s blog articles and PR interviews from the book, I’m struck by how much his experience matches mine. Though I’ve not tried the kind of conscious manipulation he describes, I’ve seen it all over the place and noticed the same lack of basic fact checking in various stories I’ve been involved in.

My most striking example of this was several years ago when a Fortune 500 company revealed to me how easy it is for them to engage in mass manipulation now that the blogosphere lets them leak stories from different sources and have it all build to appear to be a preponderance of independent evidence.

Another Ryan, the amazing and awesome Ryan Allis (founder of iContact, uber-optimist, and serial entrepreneur) and I spoke about this over dinner a few weeks ago. His view is that the internet has evolved to the point where the truth will come out, despite attempts at manipulation. Especially with the rise of social media, manipulation doesn’t stand a chance because the truth will get out via informal networks.

What do you think?

An apology: 8 Secrets of Success

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In my post about Richard St. John’s TED talk, I critiqued his research methodology and spent the entire post pointing out flaws. I was wrong. He has since contacted me and pointed out that my assumptions about his research were incorrect. Indeed, he did his research correctly. I did not do mine correctly.

If you check out the post on Eight Secrets of Success, my points still hold for a significant amount of the success literature out there in the world. But not Richard’s. His research was solid and I apologize sincerely for assuming otherwise.

Perhaps we’ve found a ninth law of success: research!

Customer acquisition via poor service

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I’m curious. I’ve noticed some web sites, stores, etc. try to gain or retain customers by providing bad service. They hide their prices so you have to start the purchase process to discover pricing (just try finding out how much it costs to make 10 color copies at Fedex/Kinkos. I dare you.). Some web sites don’t have a cancel-my-membership button that’s easy to find and don’t give a customer service number. I’ve had magazines ask that I cancel my subscription in writing.

Do these tactics work? Hiding prices makes me less likely to use a site. Making membership hard to cancel doesn’t stop me from canceling, but it DOES convince me never to come back if I was canceling for a reason that might have been temporary.

How about you? Do you find these things actually work on you, or do you rebel against them? Or do you not even notice?